Fall to Pieces
by Shinaria
Summary: Tag to 4x20. He could try and block out the screams as much as he wanted, but it wouldn’t change what he’d done.


**Note:** This has been done a dozen times over, but I seem to be going on a writing spree right now, and with last week's episode…well, it gave me a lot to think about and filled my head with plot-bunnies.

I wrote this kind of fast, so I hope there aren't any spelling mistakes or anything. -.-

**Summary:** Tag to 4x20. He could try and block out the screams as much as he wanted, but it wouldn't change what he'd done.

**Fall to Pieces**

"_DEAN!"_

The anguished cry penetrated the thick iron walls of the panic room and hit him like a punch in the gut. It had been hours since his sibling had been locked away, and he had yet to stop screaming.

"DEAN! Let me out of here!"

It hurt him. Dear _God_, did it hurt him.

That wasn't the worst of it. Not at all. It had nearly killed him just to watch his brother walk into that room, so naïve and oblivious to what he and Bobby had secretly decided to do. When he'd turned to see why the two older men hadn't followed him, Dean had nearly cried at innocent confusion that he'd seen in those large puppy-eyes.

"_So, what's the big demon problem?"_

"_You are."_

Shutting that door had been the most difficult thing he'd ever done. The pain it caused him was more unbearable than his father's death, haunting him more than anything he'd ever experience in Hell. Countless emotions bubbled up in him-anger, disappointment…fear-clashing with each other and threatening to break free and send him to his knees with the weight. One emotion in particular stuck out at him, rising above all the others and drilling a hole deep into his already fractured heart.

Betrayal.

It wasn't just that Sam had completely gone off course, falling away from everything that made him human. No, it was Dean himself. When he helped close that door…

He'd betrayed his own brother.

Sam had trusted him, and he'd thrown that trust right back in his face.

It had been necessary, he knew. It was far better than the alternative, better than watching his brother become a monster. But then why couldn't he shake the feeling that he'd lost everything he had left when he'd shut that door?

"Dean? Dean, please let me out!"

Christ, he was _begging _now, and Dean struggled with himself to refrain from unlocking the door. _Sorry Sam, no can do. _But he wanted to. Sam had no idea just how much he wanted to let him out. It was out of the question though. After what he'd witnessed…

He could _still _see the wild and crazed look in Sam's eyes, the demon's blood smeared across his face and dripping from his mouth. Dean had continuously wondered how Sam kept getting stronger, and now that he knew, he wished he didn't. It had been too much. Dean shuddered at the image rooted firmly in his head. It was a side of his brother he had never wanted to see, couldn't even begin to perceive. The savagery of it all.

The inhumanity.

What had happened to his little brother? Dean had done so much to keep him safe, sacrificing everything to save that innocence from the world and the darkness that lurked behind every corner. So what went wrong?

_I went to Hell is what,_ he thought bitterly. _I left him alone._ Because he'd made that damn deal, because he'd been selfish and couldn't bear the thought of living life without his baby brother. It was his fault that Sam's innocence was gone, that _Sammy _was gone, lost and buried deep inside a Sam he didn't recognize.

_I was protecting him from all the wrong things. The darkness isn't around him. It's __**inside **__him. _It had been all along, but he'd done nothing to keep it from breaking loose.

And now everything was just a huge mess.

"Dean!" His brother's voice came at him again, sounding like he was a little kid again, alone and afraid. "Dean, help me! _Please!"_

_But I am helping you, Sam," _Dean sobbed mentally, turning tortured eyes towards the panic room. _This is for your own good. _He had to get his brother off that stuff, he had to. He wasn't going to lose him to that demon bitch and her feminine wiles, not after everything they'd been through. It wouldn't end like this. It just couldn't.

Sam screamed again, and a loud banging sounded dully in his ears as his brother beat upon the door.

_I'll help you, Sam. I'll fix this. _His eyesight blurred as tears welled up, unable to keep them away. _I'll put our screwed up lives back together, even if it's piece by piece. I'll make things just the way they were, before all the angels and the demons and the rest of it. Somehow._

Who was he kidding? There was nothing _left _to put back together.

_Except Sammy. There'll always be Sammy._

He would find the little brother he'd left behind. He would save him as he'd always done, whether it was from the evil around him or from himself. It didn't matter. A tear traced a path down his cheek as he listened to the desperate cries.

_Don't worry, Sammy. I'll fix this._

_I have to._

**End.**

I hope this was okay. :)

**Reviews are a light in these poor boys' lives.**


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